


skin

by maisiemuffin



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: F/M, Other, Trans Male Character, also i read something like this, and thought it was a great idea, idek this cane to me, so that inspired me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11267943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maisiemuffin/pseuds/maisiemuffin
Summary: emma never felt comfortable in her own skin. it isn't until she's 16 when she realizes why...





	skin

**Author's Note:**

> *note: I am not trans and I don't know what it is like to be trans. I am just going off of what I've read, or heard about it so please don't hate me. the only experience I have of any of this is that when I was like 8 I used to wear my brother's clothes and pretend to be a boy. I'm pretty sure that doesn't count at all. thank you!

Emma stood in front of her floor length mirror. The first day of school and she already felt super anxious. Her mom made her wear a skirt today, no matter how many times she had refused. She wore no makeup and her long, curly hair was tied back into a ponytail.

Her parents had never let her cut it short. They always said she looked too much like a boy and Emma would get really excited when they would say that, but she never knew why.

"Emma! Breakfast. You don't want to be late for the first day of school." she heard her mother yell up the stairs. "Coming!" she replied, racing around her bright pink bedroom; it had been the same since she was 7, she never got around to changing it. She was trying to find her converse and school books before going downstairs. Emma walked into the kitchen to see her 8 year old brother, Adrian, eating a bowl of Lucky Charms; her father, probably trying to finish his work at the last minute; and her mother, staring out the kitchen window holding a cup of coffee.

"Those damn squirrels will be the end of me and my daisies." her mother said, as Emma sat down, next to her brother,  and poured herself a bowl of cereal.

"Helen! The children are here." her father, John, scolded, looking up from his papers.

"Oh, sorry. Good morning, Emma!" 

"Morning, Mom." she replied, mouth half full of cereal. 

"Chew your food before speaking, young lady!" Helen reprimanded. 

_Yes ma'am,_ she thought, but instead said, "Sorry."

"No need to apologize." she waved off. "Oh dear, look at the time. You're both going to be late if you don't leave now." She practically pushed the children out of the front door. "Goodbye! Love you both." she said as Adrian and Emma replied at the same time with "Love you, too!"

~~~~

Trudging to the bus stop, Emma wondered why she still didn't have her license. After all, she _was_ 16 and _had_ always hated taking the bus. She got to the stop and found her best friend and next door neighbor, Kate, standing there.

"Hey!" she said

"Hi. First day of sophomore year. You excited?" Kate asked.

"Very!" Emma replied, sarcastically. 

"Same. Hey, did you get to meet the new kid in the neighborhood yet? He's cute." 

"No, not yet. You know I'm not social enough. Unless you count Tumblr." Kate was always more outgoing than Emma. She would talk to anyone and everyone, while Emma would just stay in the background reading or on her phone.

"Okay, well, he's like a year older than us, black hair, blue eyes, super cute!" Kate replied.

"Thanks for the details, Kate. Maybe I wanted to find out who he was for myself."

"Yeah. Like you would ever socialize." Kate retorted, as the bus pulled up to them. 

"Well maybe I've changed over the summer." They got on the bus and chose to sit where they usually did last year. 

"From what you just said, its very unlikely." Kate said.

"True." They settled into their seats pulling out their phones. Emma plugged in her headphones and started to play  _Supermassive Black Hole_ by Muse. She stared out the window and found her reflection. She didn't feel right, but she didn't know why until recently. She started to analyze the lyrics, which was something that she always found herself doing. Trying to make sense of then in her own mind. She got so into it, that she barely noticed the boy asking if he could sit in the seat. 

"Uh. Yeah, s-sure." She moved her bag, to allow this strange boy to sit. He had black hair, which was swept to the side, and and eyes that weren't white blue or green, but both. T _his must be the new boy,_ she thought to herself. Taking her headphones out, she decided that she should actually socialize for once. What's the worst that could happen.

"I'm Emma, by the way."

"Ph-phil. Nice to meet you." he said, quite awkwardly. She felt the need to apologize to him for his probably already anxiety-strung bus ride experience.

"Sorry about the bus. It's crazy. I know. Everyone kind of has their place here. It must be tough being new. I've lived here for my whole life."

"No, it's alright." he replied. "I've gone through it a million times. That's the thing when your dad marries a new woman every few years. He hasn't kept a proper wife in ten years."

"I'm sorry." she said, surprised by him opening up to her, 5 minutes after they first met.

"Nah, dont be. They're all really nice. I've gotten used to it by now." He looked down at his hands, that were placed in his lap.

"This might be a bit personal, and you don't have to answer it, but when was the last time you saw your real mom." she asked, very curious now.

"Never met her. I've seen pictures of her, but I know the whole story of why she left. Why?" he questioned.

"Oh wow. Well, I now we just met, but curiosity got the best of me. I don't want this to get too personal, though, but welcome to Manchester. "

"Thanks. It's nice here."

"Yeah, I guess it is." she said, turning back to her phone, unpausing her music, and resuming her analysis.

~~~~

 "You listen to _Muse_?" 

"Um. Yeah, I-I love then." She was surprised that Phil would know this band. He seemed like more of a _Twenty One Pilots_ kind of guy.

"Sorry. I don't man to seen nosy or rude, but so do I! _Origin of Symmetry_ is like thee best album ever."

"I have to agree with that." Emma said, smiling. They talked the whole way to school about Muse and other bands and video games they liked. Emma thought that maybe she had actually found a new friend. Maybe taking the bus wasn't so bad after all. 

~~~~

The rest of the day drags on as any usual first day would go. New classroom rules, getting lost in the hallways, meeting up with old friends you haven't seen since last year and aren't considered real friends because you never hang out with them. It was only third period and Emma already found herself doodling up and down her arms.

This was a nervous habit she had developed years ago. It made her feel different and rebellious, since it wasn't technically allowed at her school, but she always git away with it by covering it up with her school blazer.

The bell rang signaling the end of third period and Emma pulled down her sleeve and went to her next class. History. She walked into the room labeled '238,' and the first thing noticed was that all of the desks had name cards on them. Just to make everything better, she couldn't even sit in the back, like she usually did. 

She sat down at the desk that had her name card in it and pulled out new set of Sharpies, pulling up her sleeve, just as the bell rang. The teacher, Mr. Johnson, as it said on the front board, walked in and immediately noticed Emma, or so it seemed.

"Miss Howell," he tapped on her desk, making her look up. 'Ugh, don't call me that.' she thought. "Do I see you writing on your arms with  permanent ink?" 

"No sir." she said, deciding not to fight with the teacher on the first day.

"Take the bathroom pass and go wash it off. Right now. And I'm confiscating your pens until the end of class." She obliged and got up to try and wash it off as best as she could. 

She always walked with her head down, staring at her feet, which sometimes wasn't always a very good choice. Today proved that, as she walked straight into someone in the hallway, knocking the person's books out of their hands, and she fell over.

"Sorry." the victim apologized.

"No, that was my fault. I wasn't looking where I going." She then looked up to see an outstretched in front of her. She looked past the arm and was met with the same blue eyes from this morning. The new kid, Phil. "Oh, hi." she said. He smiled and replied, "So we meet again, Emma."

"Yeah." Phil pulled her up the rest of the way. "Thanks."

"Are those real?" he asked, looking at her arm. 

"Um, no." she replied, shyly, pulling her sleeve down to her hand. "It's just Sharpie. I was actually about to go wash it off."

"Oh." he said, looking down, and going to pick up his books. "You should keep them. I think they're really cool."

"Really?" she asked, now blushing.

"Yeah." They stood there in awkward silence for a minute, before Emma asked, "So, what are you doing in the middle of the hallway. The bell already rang." 

"I know. I'm kind of lost." he answered, awkwardly. 

"That's okay. Everyone gets lost here. I don't blame you. Its so big. Where are you going? Maybe I could help you." she asked.

"Um, room..." Phil started, checking his schedule. "238." 

Emma's eyes widened. "That's the class I'm in right now!" 

"Oh, cool! Um, would you mind walking me there?" he asked.

"Yeah. Come on, its this way."she said, waving Phil over to her. They walked to class, Emma walking in first.

"Mr. Johnson." Everyone looked in her direction, putting her in the spotlight. "Um, this is Phil.." she started, looking at Phil for a last name. "Lester." he finished for her. "I found him wondering the halls. He got lost." She looked over to him, as he blushed, probably embarrassed about that. 

"Ah, Philip. Yes. You sit over there." Mr Johnson pointed to empty desk labeled with 'Philip Lester.' "And Miss Howell. Please return to your seat. I assume you washed your arms off?"

"Yes, sir." she lied, looking over to Phil, who just smiled slightly before focusing his attention to the front of the room.

~~~~

The day resumed to drag on, and suddenly the final bell rang. She walked to her locker, and yet again ran into Phil Lester. "We just keep running into each other, don't we?" he retorted.

"Yeah. It's like we were destined to be together. Like, in the same room. Not _together_ together but.."she talked off.

" Yeah. Yeah, that's what I figured you were trying to say." he chuckled. 

"Yeah." Emma made a mental note to stop saying 'yeah' so much. "Do you want to walk with me to the school bus?" she asked, trying to salvage the conversation.

"Sorry, I can't. My older brother's picking me up." 

"Oh." she said, a bit sadly. "Well, um, I have to go. So, bye, I guess." She started walking away towards her school bus.

"Wait!" Emma heard Phil call, turning back around. "Um. You seen like a pretty cool girl. Do you maybe wanna hang out? I can ask Martyn if he could drive us back to mine." he asked. 

"Um, yeah. I'll have to ask my mom, but yeah. I would love to!"she replied, pulling out her phone to text her mother. 

After she got a reply saying 'yes,' she walked with Phil over to Martyn's car, a red ford, and got in. They started to drive, when she felt her phone vibrate. 

**Kate: where are you????**

**Emma: oh. I forgot to tell you. I'm going home with** **Phil**

**Kate: you have a boyfriend already?!!!!!!????**

**Kate: also CUUUUUUTTTTTEEEEEE <<<<<33333**

**Emma: shut up**

**Emma: and no he just asked me if I wanted to hang out and I said yes**

**Emma: thats all**

**Kate: whatever. I still ship it!! PHEMMA!!!!!!**

**Emma: omg kate stooooppp**

**Kate: OK OK**

**Kate: see ya tmw**

**Emma: see ya**

~~~~

They arrived and Emma couldn't believe that Phil lived here. Sure it was just like all the other houses in their neighborhood, but all throughout her childhood she had always dreamt of living there. She couldn't believe that she was actually going to go in there.

The outside was baby blue and there was a beautiful arch way above the front door, which also doubled as a balcony from the second floor. Two or three cherry blossom trees were scattered around the property. The backyard was fenced in, but as far as she could tell, it was pretty big. Overall, the house was just absolutely perfect!

"You coming?" Phil asked, snapping Emma out of her trance. 

"Um, yeah. I'm coming."

They went inside and it was just as beautiful as she'd imagined. Perfectly painted, white walls, elegant, yet very comfy looking sofas, and quite a lot of family photos, which all only had Phil, Martyn, and some other guy, who Emma assumed was their father. 

"Is that you?" she asked, pointing to a picture of a baby with ginger hair, but the same blue eyes as Phil. 

"Oh, yeah. I have naturally ginger hair. I've been dying it black since I was about 13. I feel like it suits me better."

"It does." she replies, without thinking.

"Really?" Phil asked, starting to blush again. 

"Um, I guess. Yeah." They stood awkwardly in the living room until a lady walked in, greeting Phil and Martyn. Emma made the assumption that she was Phil's current step mom.

"Oh. Hi! I'm Josephine. And you are?" she asked. 

"Hi, I'm Emma."

"And she's just a friend, Jo. Before you ask." Phil cut in. Emma furrowed her eyebrows. 'How many girls had he brought home in the past?' 

"Shall we go upstairs?" Phil asked, after  introducing Emma to his father, and taking to him about how his first day went. "Yeah." 

They walked up the grand staircase that was right by the front doors. The first door on the left had sounds on it, which said things like _'Phil's Room_ ' and a poster of ' _Kill Bill_ ' Phil opened the door and as soon as they walked in, Emma saw more posters of bands, games, shows, anime's, and movies covering the walls. 

"Oh my God!" she awed. 

"Sorry, it's a bit cluttered." Phil replied, sitting down on his unmade bed.

"No, it's fine. It's amazing actually. How long has it been since you moved in?"

"About a month. I still have some things to unpack." Emma went to go sit on Phil's deal chair, still looking at the walls.

"Wait. Do you actually watch _'Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"_ she questioned, laughing a bit.

"Um, yeah." he sarcastically scoffed. "It's like the best show ever. I'm such a fanboy, that Sarah Michelle Gellar actually _Follow Friday'd_ me on Twitter." Emma chuckled at that.

They talked for quite a while, occasionally taking a break to get some food, and then continuing their conversation.

"So, what's like your biggest fear? I'm absolutely terrified of horses." Phil started. Emma giggled. "What's so scat about horses?"

"Well, they're huge creatures, that could fall down or push you off at any minute. And just look at their faces. Ugh. It gives me nightmares." Phil shivered.

"You have a good point there." Emma replied. "I'd have to say my worst fear is probably the dark. Although ever since watching _'The Blair Witch Project,'_ I've been glorified of trees." They were both laughing so hard that they were clutching their sides at this point. 

"Okay, okay. What's one secret that you have?" Emma continued.

"I may or may not have a huge celebrity crush in Zayn Malik. Sorry, Buffy!"

"I mean, who doesn't. He's an extremely attractive man."

"Yeah. How about you? What's a secret that you've got?" Phil asked, and Emma suddenly got quiet. She stopped laughing for moment.

"I've always felt like I was supposed to be a boy."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. please let me know what you think. thank you!!!
> 
> also I don't like the name of this. I just don't feel comfortable with it currently (skin just reminds of the skin fic lol) so if you have any better ideas for a title, let me know. that would be great. 
> 
> OK bye!!!


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